Copywriter. Advertising Professional. Presentation Junkie.
Will love ever come to pass
as long as this life shall last.
Will dreams soar on exalted wings
laying to rest those toxic stings.
Will we somehow find our way
while battling the cold and grey.
Will it ever get any better?
Will we wake up to fair weather?
Will you meet me where the rainbows bloom
Where life is gentle and ne’er a gloom
Where the piercing pains fade away
And every morn is a brand new day.
I haven’t really written anything for myself in a long time. I’ve been somewhat mowed down and buried under a sea of work, wins, loss, grief, travel and what-have-you.
Work has been hectic. But that’s nothing new. I’ve been hiding. Trying to cope with the sense of grief and loss that I’m experiencing.
People part for different reasons. Friends move to different cities. Lovers drift apart. Loved ones pass away. It sounds pretty normal in theory. But how do you cope with separation and loss? Grief has been a constant companion all through the last month.
I’ve always wondered what ‘living in the moment’ really means. I think I’ve understood it now. When looking into the future fills you with a sense of dread, all you can do is seize the moment. Because when it comes down to it, there really is no choice.
I’ve tried to cope by watching self-help films and clips. Mel Robbins has a 5 second rule. You basically count to five and snap out of it. It hasn’t really worked for me. I found her other suggestion way more helpful. Exercise! I can’t say that it has made 100% of a difference but at least it makes me feel a sense of accomplishment.
So I set off at 7 am to the gym, slave at it for about 45 minutes and get back feeling better than I did before.
Work is good. Great actually. Three pitch wins in a month is what dreams are made of. But I can’t bring myself to feel happy. How can I when my personal life is in shambles? Such a contrast.
I’ve been travelling constantly. Two cities a week is a hectic schedule by any standards. Yet, I find the time to be sad. It creeps on me uninvited as I’m hanging at the airport, or as an unwelcome nightmare when sleep finally claims me. It’s there at my most proud moments, a constant reminder that I can’t have it all.
I’ve watched Sheryl Sandberg’s video on coping with loss and Plan B and I think its definitely laudable how she’s tackled her grief head on. I tried copying her strategy and it did nothing for me. I just feel too calculated trying a step-by-step. Maybe it’s supposed to feel that way and that’s how you move on. But I can’t bring myself to do it.
So, I’m just letting myself be for the moment, working like a demon, while letting all the grief and loss wash over me, carry me in its wake, hit me in full force like a wave and then recede with me in its depths, until it spits me out onto a happier shore. Carpe Diem!
I have a new hero, or rather heroine. You may be familiar with her. Her name is Ellen Pao, a Chinese American woman from New Jersey, former technical chief of staff at Kleiner Perkins who filed a gender discrimination lawsuit against her employer.
Her problems purportedly began when she ended an affair with her colleague and fellow partner, Ajit Nazare. To cut a long story short, she began receiving negative reviews from her seniors, was passed over for promotions, was sidelined when it came to important deals and wasn’t included in the regular wheeling and dealing lunches and dinners associated with the job.
Things began getting worse when she was elbowed out of important projects and the firm turned a blind eye and deaf ear to her complaints. She finally filed a lawsuit against the organisation after spending seven years there.
She eventually lost in a widely publicised trial against Kleiner Perkins. You can read about it here .
But I still think that in the long run she emerged a winner. Here’s why I think she is a winner all the way :
She had the gumption to singlehandedly take on the biggest venture capital firm in the world.
She rattled the ‘big boys’ club of Silicon Valley when she decided to take a stand.
She was the voice of thousands of women the world over who felt slighted and blighted in relation to their male colleagues, but didn’t quite have the guts to retaliate.
She is educated, smart and took a big risk doing what she did publicly, when she could just as easily have chosen to lick her wounds in private and move on to another big firm.
Inspite of filing the lawsuit, she continued to work at the firm, until she was fired, on account of claims that her performance hadn’t improved after her last review.
She could have received millions if she had signed a non-disparagement contract but chose the hard way to share her story.
Every woman reading her article would relate to some aspect of the story. The glass ceiling exists. It’s there. It’s real. And it is yet to be broken.
We feel it every time we get paid one third the salary of male colleagues, despite doing thrice the work. Every time a snide sexist remark is passed within earshot. When a firm is full of women, but has only men in meaningful managerial positions. When nepotism prevails over merit and gender prevails over talent. Also, let’s not forget the boss who has an affair with his subordinate, and then passes over more deserving women for rewards and recognition.
These days, gender discrimination is hidden. It cannot exist on the surface lest it be exposed for what it is. It’s hiding places are sweet talk, mothers being seen as less dedicated to their work, reluctance to hire newly-wed women for fear of upcoming pregnancies, secretly labelling women who outperform men as “bitchy” and “manly.” But, a thorn by whatever name called is still a thorn.
That’s why we need the Ellen Paos and Sheryl Sandbergs of the world to call it for what it is and expose it. Because not all of us have the courage to do it ourselves.
I remember a casual conversation with a male colleague who was at odds with a female co-worker. After raving and ranting for a good fifteen minutes, he then let it be known that she was such a ‘grouch’, because she was unmarried and therefore frustrated. The implication being that her performance was inversely proportional to her sex life.
Evidence suggests that when men and women work together on a project, men get more credit (New York University study, 2005); women are promoted on performance, men on promise (McKinsey & Co., 2011); mothers are seen as less committed to work than childless women, while fathers are more likely to be promoted than childless men (Cornell University, 2005).
In the same vein, I remember a superior once telling me that he would only interview women for a marketing position that came up. That’s gender bias on a whole different level. It also brings to mind the time when another partner was insistent on seeking only women candidates. His reasoning was that the two other important positions were already filled by men. So he did not want an ego clash by hiring a third man. Implying automatically that women are less likely to compete and clash with male colleagues. A back-handed compliment at best.
As for Ellen Pao, she has now co-founded Project Include, a non-profit that aims to give everyone a fair shot to succeed in tech. That’s why I admire her. She inspired many other women in tech to raise their voices and wage battle for their rights, getting reporters to come up with a name for women or minorities in tech for speaking up- ‘The Pao Effect.’ She is the David who lost against Goliath and still won. Proving that sometimes in the long run you win, because you lose!
It’s been a stressful week. A week of gruelling work, new pitches, presentations and plenty of last minute deadlines. I usually thrive on the adrenaline rush of completing a tough-as-nails project. But, off late the rush has gone. It has been replaced by a sense of dread. Dread that I’ve become more of a supplier and less of a creator.
When I try to do too much all at once, I play to the galleries. I begin cutting corners, give less attention to detail and cut myself more slack than I usually would. Mainly, because I have too much to do and too little time to do it in. Last time I checked, there were still only twenty four hours in a day.
On a micro-level, I feel creativity in print advertising has become pretty robotic. Template, layout, headline, copy, visual, logo and you are almost done. That’s what most clients want these days. There is hardly any time to think, let alone create or develop something new.
On a macro-level, on one side you have the extremely innovative award-winning advertisements. Some of them so creative that you need to have a good think or two to understand them. And once you’ve had your “aha” moment, you wonder if the rest of the world actually “got” the idea. Or had the time to give it a second thought.
On the other side, you have the extremely simple dull looking advertising that you wouldn’t give a second glance to, until you catch the word “SALE” in bold bright type, waiting to smack you right in the face if you don’t drop whatever you’re doing and rush to the nearest store to pick up whatever was being advertised.
Imagine the hours and sleepless nights spent by the creative team to create a superior conceptual ad. Pit that against this one simple word SALE, which has the power to invoke your impulses and sense of urgency like nothing else. You’ll now understand what I mean. Why be creative when you can be crass?
I’m at that point right now. Wondering what I’m doing being a stickler for details, when nobody is going to be any wiser. I have become a mass production unit, a creation of an industry that simply wants produce, without productivity.
Until that next awards function or big budget new pitch, when we have to prove to the world that we are better, bigger and bolder. Out will come the thinking caps, the sharpened pencils and the thousand scratches on the storyboard. The endless brainstorming, countless cups of coffee and late night office romances. It’s not about the client anymore. It’s about us. Who we are, what we do, and how we do it.
We must then change who we were all those months of being self-contained warehouses and morph into these highly intellectual mothballs of creativity. With pencils in our hair and upper lips that have seen better days. The boss will go on for hours about “out-of-the-box” ideas and “cutting-edge” design. Not realising that those very terms have gone out of vogue a century ago.
So, that’s when we transform. From months of mass production to a single unit factory. And if that’s not creativity, I don’t know what is.
As for me, creativity be damned. I’d settle for some good old fashioned simplicity in advertising. And honesty!!!
The story of the Emperor and his new clothes has always fascinated me for some reason. I see it being played out in real life every single day.
The original tale was written by Danish author Hans Christian Anderson about two weavers who promise an emperor a new suit of clothes that they say is invisible to those who are unfit for their positions, stupid, or incompetent. When the emperor parades before his subjects in his new clothes, no one dares to say that they don’t see any suit of clothes on him for fear that they will be seen as “unfit for their positions, stupid, or incompetent”. Finally, a child cries out, “But he isn’t wearing anything at all!”
How many times have we kept silent for fear of sounding stupid? For fear of being perceived as slow, ignorant and incompetent. I know I’m guilty of this. On the isolated occasion, that I’ve been brave enough to admit my ignorance, I’ve realized that I’m not alone. Several voices have seconded mine. Yet, I’m afraid. Afraid of that one occasion, when I’m going to be the only one standing in the room.
Why do we care so much about the opinion of others? We see this extended to social media every single day. Teenagers today care more about the likes on their Facebook page than the grades on their report card. That necessity to obtain approval and validation somehow never leaves us.
It’s also some kind of power struggle. Where the weaker and meaker adopt the opinions and actions of the mightier and powerful. Case in point, Hitler’s power could only have blossomed in collaboration with the German people. None of this would have happened if the Germans hadn’t accepted him. Opposing him, would have meant a certain death. This kind of fear is rather different. One where you have a perceived lack of choice. Conform or perish.
Today, the fear is more of an “under the surface” kind of fear. Nobody is going to shoot us in the head if we beg to differ. But there could be subtler consequences. Voicing a view opposite to a superior’s at a board meeting could lead to you losing that promotion. For a celebrity, wearing the same dress for a second time on the red carpet, would have tabloids the world over speculating about a potential bankruptcy.
In an age where conformity is the norm, it’s refreshing to see certain companies and brands breaking through the mould. This is why I love Diesel’s “Be Stupid” ad campaign. It was released some time ago, but it’s one of their nicest campaigns. And so very relevant.
The lines,
“Smart has the Brains.
Stupid has the Balls.
Smart has the Plans.
Stupid has the Stories ”
definitely resonate with me. We need more campaigns like this, that encourage us to Be Stupid. To take risks.
We want to be different but we’re scared of being the only ones who are different. We want to get those new jeans but we’re scared of looking too fat, too thin, too short, too wide, too young, too old. Too anything.
To quote Oscar Wilde, “Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.”
So, let’s make a pact with ourselves to live creatively and bravely. To not be other people.
And the next time, you’re getting new clothes, I’d suggest Diesel is a good place to start. If we can’t live differently, at least we can live stupidly !
She wound up the last of her household chores and rested her aching feet on the chair. The chair creaked loudly, as though in protest. Having bathed and put three noisy kids to bed, cooked, and polished the kitchen sink until it shone, she looked forward to spending some quality time on her own.
The radio was on, playing an old favourite and she hummed as she shut her eyes and imagined herself far away from here. Away from her humdrum life of endless picking up after the children, obsessing over their homework and cooking for her husband.
The day’s work done, she looked forward to a steaming cup of tea. Suddenly energised, she got to her feet, heated water, poured some milk and pried open the tea jar. The jar was empty. No tea bags, no tea.
What a disappointment!!!
She rushed over to the neighbours house to borrow some tea bags. Unfortunately, they had none. They were happy to lend her some coffee powder. Filter coffee from Coorg, straight from the legendary coffee plantations. Or so, they claimed. But she declined. All she wanted was her precious tea.
Key in the ignition, one turn, and her car fired up as if ready for flight. She was on her way to the supermarket. She marched urgently through the aisles, scanning the shelves for signs of the elusive tea bags. But couldn’t find any. This is strange, she thought. She beckoned a uniformed attendant, and asked him where the tea bags were.
He explained that earlier that day, some pesky rodents attacked an area of the supermarket, causing them to dispose off all the tea bags. He assured her that the stock would be replenished the following day. In the meanwhile, he was happy to help her pick out some apple juice, coffee, Red Bull or any other liquid comfort of her choice.
Truly vexed, she shrugged off his suggestions, turned on her heel and left.
Her story ends here. But, it may remind you of an event in your own life, when you’ve wanted one particular thing so much, but simply couldn’t get it. You were offered much else to substitute for that one thing, but it just wasn’t the same. Even if you did manage to settle for a replacement, you still felt the emptiness of not getting what you wanted.
I’ve had similar experiences, when I’ve tried to look for happiness in the wrong places. In my work, in material things, in other people. I was often left disappointed and stricken with a sense of emptiness, which only God has since filled.
Secondly, it also brings to mind our tunnel vision. We are so engrossed in seeking a certain thing, that we develop a one-track mind and refuse to consider other possibilities, even though they may be better for us and make us happier.
Thirdly, if you consider this situation carefully, you will also realise the extent of communication gaps between people. We may want only that one thing so badly. Yet people don’t seem to understand. They offer us everything, except the one thing that we are asking for. Most often, they don’t realise what the big deal is. Mainly, because they tend to view things from the lens of their own perspectives, preferences and choices.
Sometimes, it’s hard for us to settle for something we don’t want. We end up waiting a long time, often a lifetime, for what we do want. Sometimes we get it and sometimes we don’t. That’s the way life rolls.
Frequently, what we want may be very simple and something that is fairly accessible for other people. But it seems so difficult for us to acquire it, when we want it, on our timeline. At such times, I guess we’d do well to remember that God has it all under control and will make it happen in His time, if it is His will.
And if by any chance, life gives you lemons, when you’ve asked for tea, squeeze until you make the best lemonade ever. And make that your cup of tea!
I decided to begin blogging as a coping strategy to deal with a painful transition in my life. This was a little over a month ago. I can honestly say that it happened in response to a sincere prayer, asking God to channelize all my negative energy into a healthy channel.
I’ve made so many positive changes to my life since then. Joined a gym, connected with friends I haven’t met in ages, become more tolerating of family. Most of all, I try to write at least twice or thrice a week. Earlier, I was wearing myself thin, trying to prove that I could handle it all at work. While I’m working harder than ever, I’m also taking the time to appreciate the tinier things in life.
The Unique Blogger Award!!! I’m pleased and touched.
Before beginning this blog, I had no idea if I had anything to write about at all, much less have people read and connect with me. But I have interacted with some amazing bloggers. Poets and writers of all genres. I am simply amazed by the quality of content. It certainly takes all kinds to make the world go round. And my world is spinning at the moment. With words!!!
I would like to extend my gratitude to the lovely Bassey Etim for nominating me for this award. Thank you Bassey Etim. Thank you for reading my posts and thinking me worthy. I am so very grateful.
She writes about all the subjects close to my heart. Life, her connection with God, blessings and her personal experiences. If you are not already a follower, please do visit her blog at Bassey Etim. I guarantee you’ll feel lighter in spirit.
The decision to pursue a career in the creative department (advertising) is possibly the best decision of my life so far. Everyday is a new day, with exciting possibilities. I truly believe that this is what I was meant to do. Though it’s been a hard road, I still want to do this, more than I want to do anything else.
2. HOW WOULD YOU SPEND TODAY IF IT WAS YOUR LAST?
This is a tough one. I’d like to spend my day with family. I’d call anyone I’ve upset in the past through words and deeds and say ‘sorry’. Finally, I’d spend my last few hours reading the Bible.
3. WHO IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW?
That would be my mother. A woman who has handled whatever life has thrown at her with grace and a smile. Protected me fiercely and comforted me at my worst. A true role model!!!
Now, I will nominate 15 bloggers according to the rules. I wish I could pick more, but here’s my list. Please do visit their blogs :
1. Garfieldhug’s Blog
2. Kelvin M. Knight
3. Thrifty Campers
4. USA Through Our Eyes
5. Mr. Mel
6. MFCastillo
7. Andnowmiguel
8. Simple Observations of Everyday Life
9. Ivor
10. Sour balls
11. A Jaunty Life
12. George F
13. J Beauty’s Expert Amateur
14. Slasher Monster
15. Poet Rummager
Thank you Bassey Etim.
Thank you everyone for being so kind to me, reading my posts and encouraging me. I love you all!
It’s hard to describe how music makes me feel. Happy, sad, nostalgic. So many mixed emotions. Certain songs often remind me of a moment in time. And sometimes of a person.
If people were songs, how would you remember them? The song ‘Guantanamera’ reminds me of my grandfather. Not only because he loved that song but because the lyrics are probably the best description of him.
The English translation would read, “ I am a truthful man; I come from where the palm tree grows, I am a truehearted man, who comes from where the palm trees grow, before I lay down my life, I long to coin the verses of my soul.”
It’s been more than a year since he passed away, and whenever the song plays on the radio, my thoughts invariably turn to the man, who was simple at heart, and longed for nothing more than the best for his family. I have no idea whether he managed to coin the verses of his soul, but his melody lingers on in our lives.
‘Blue Moon’ brings to mind thoughts of my dad. My childhood is rife with memories of him belting out the lyrics tunelessly at parties, while my poor mother would almost die of embarrassment. The lyrics “Blue moon. You knew just what I was there for. You heard me saying a pray for. Someone I really could care for.” It’s strange, but it matches his character so well. I don’t think he has a single enemy in the whole wide world. And he’s always praying. Most of all, for me, I think.
‘The way you look tonight’ makes me think of an ex. The lyrics blow me away. “Some day when I’m awfully low, when the world is cold. I will feel a glow, just thinking of you and the way you look tonight.” I was feeling awfully low last night. And when this song came on, I travelled back ten years, to a time when we were together. The relationship wasn’t ideal. But listening to this song, made it seem like the best time of my life. Which is actually far from reality.
There are some songs that I just can’t listen to, without shattering in a million pieces. For instance, Richard Marx’s, ‘Right here waiting’ is one of those numbers. It’s just too heartbreaking.
Music is dangerous that way. It makes you nostalgic. Reminisce about things that are best left in the past. Makes situations look rosier than they actually were. And people seem better than they are.
So, why do we love music so much? Why do we contribute to our own nostalgia by listening to the very songs that evoke those memories? Perhaps, because music is exactly that. A return ticket to those moments, that we can only relive through song.
Wish you a happy melodious Sunday!
Off late, trite phrases like “Team work makes the dream work” really stir me up. And not in a good way.
Let me explain. I’m as good a team player as the average Jane. I can work hard, plan, strategise, direct a team and slog till kingdom come, until I hit the right chord with a project I’m given. I rarely complain and don’t throw my weight around. I’ve even taken one for the team plenty of times.
But, here’s the problem. When a project is successful, management rarely rewards individual contribution. Most often, there’s an emailer or an obscure message posted on a watsapp group that says things like “Congratulations team (Insert company name). Great job.”
While this has never riled me up earlier, it’s increasingly annoying to see every successful project attributed to team effort. There have been times when the so-called “team” working on the said project has consisted of only two individuals. And you have a message that says, “Super job Team (company name), keep up the good work.”
Whaaatt?
Are the bosses patting themselves on the back?
Well, I’m pleased they’ve recognised that the project was successful. But their refusal to credit singular individuals is immensely baffling. It’s also extremely discouraging to have work accomplished by three or four individuals, attributed to the many hundreds that make up the corporate and branch offices of the company, most of whom have no clue about the project in question.
It’s become a fad for top management to dilute the performance of star performers by attributing it to the whole team. It’s all about power and control. God forbid that these achievers should get swollen heads or demand a raise in salary. By pretending that the company has succeeded as a whole, it averages out the success over a whole bunch of people, thus driving home a point that everyone is mediocre. And it is only through team effort, that each one has been able to rise.
No singular piece of writing, photography, painting or even an idea, has ever been produced by a variety of people. Most often, it’s one individual, or at the most, two or three who have been responsible for excellence. I believe there is nothing wrong in recognising that effort. Crediting people who had nothing to do with it, is not just wrong. It’s damaging.
In the same vein, I often feel guilty when I come across these general congratulatory messages being posted for things that I’ve not contributed to at all. It’s difficult to know how to react under the circumstances. Most co-workers afflicted with the same confusion, respond with the most general of all signs : “the thumbs up” sign. I choose not to respond at all. Though I’d love to barge in with the middle finger.
Many organisations today have developed a strong team culture. This is not a bad thing when balanced out with a healthy dose of individualism. The problem arises when individual contribution is sacrificed at the holy grail of team effort. I see it happening all too often these days.
” It is amazing how much people can get done if they don’t worry about who gets the credit.” – Sandra Sweeney
The problem is that those who don’t worry about getting the credit, frequently end up getting none. And that’s just the way it is.
You have to blow a foghorn today, to get yourself heard in a sea of noise, all dedicated to team work.
There is a reason why designers do their best work alone, artists prefer working in isolation and writers don’t collaborate (most of the time). Imagine the Mona Lisa being painted by a bunch of people. I’d hazard a guess that the resulting artwork wouldn’t be hanging in The Louvre. It would probably occupy a prime position in an office like mine. Not a masterpiece by any standards, but a mediocre artwork attributed to the power of a team.
“Great things in business are never done by one person. They’re done by a team of people”- Steve Jobs
Why then is Steve Jobs the first name that comes to mind when we think of Apple?
I rest my case.
Sundays are supposed to be lazy. For the longest time I’ve always associated Sundays with good things. Choral singing at the church. Coming home to a lazy brunch. Puttering around in the kitchen, while sighing over a cup of rich coffee.
The rest of the week and all its bustle is soon a blur. Today, was a fine day. It was a family lunch at our favourite seafood joint, with parents, uncles, siblings and their kids in tow. We caught up, laughed and gossiped over a fine meal of rice, prawn curry, fish fingers and french fries. The men knocked back a couple of large ones, while the women kicked back with virgin mojitos and drinks with little umbrellas that made me dream of exotic destinations.
All in all, a gentle happy Sunday afternoon. It made me think of other happier moments. Everyday happy moments. Not just with plenty of people around me, but quieter times. Alone time with me typing away on the laptop. Or curled up with a mystery novel. Jogging on the beach. Reading the Bible. Playing with my little niece. All those fine moments that do not have a price tag. Moments that bring peace, without you even realising it.
My concept of fun has changed over the last decade. Mad weekend partying has given way to silent nights spent in sound sleep. I had a crazy number of friends in college. That number has now dwindled to those I can count on my fingertips. I guess I’ve traded quantity for quality. Or maybe I’m just getting older and can no longer keep up.
I have a Facebook account, but rarely check it. The people I want to stay in touch with call me or text me on my phone. Moreover, I’ve never been a fan of posting random pictures of myself. I’m not comfortable posting pouty selfies against picturesque backdrops or sharing images of myself eating a meal or exercising or doing any of the things that people take pictures of and share. I guess that makes me boring in a way. But I’m okay with it (another thing that’s changed).
These days all I want to do is read, eat, write, exercise, sleep and pray. Not necessarily in that order. These are the moments I cherish most. I’ve gradually come to the realisation that the finest moments are the ones you don’t talk about, the ones you prefer not to share. You want to hold them close to yourself as long as possible. Because once you share, they somehow don’t belong only to you any longer.
Some moments are to be cherished. And the finest ones are like a prayer. To be embraced when life is anything but fine. It brings to mind a quote by Erlend Loe, “I don’t want all that much. But I want to be fine. I want to live a simple life, with many good moments and a lot of fun.”
Have a blessed week ahead !
Karen Beatrice 