Coping

mesmerizing-translucent-waves-19th-century-painting-ivan-konstantinovich-aivazovsky-8
Painting by renowned Russian artist : Ivan Konstantinovich

I haven’t really written anything for myself in a long time. I’ve been somewhat mowed down and buried under a sea of work, wins, loss, grief, travel and what-have-you.

Work has been hectic. But that’s nothing new. I’ve been hiding. Trying to cope with the sense of grief and loss that I’m experiencing.

People part for different reasons. Friends move to different cities. Lovers drift apart. Loved ones pass away. It sounds pretty normal in theory. But how do you cope with separation and loss? Grief has been a constant companion all through the last month.

I’ve always wondered what ‘living in the moment’ really means. I think I’ve understood it now. When looking into the future fills you with a sense of dread,  all you can do is seize the moment. Because when it comes down to it, there really is no choice.

I’ve tried to cope by watching self-help films and clips. Mel Robbins has a 5 second rule. You basically count to five and snap out of it. It hasn’t really worked for me. I found her other suggestion way more helpful. Exercise! I can’t say that it has made 100% of a difference but at least it makes me feel a sense of accomplishment.

So I set off at 7 am to the gym, slave at it for about 45 minutes and get back feeling better than I did before.

Work is good. Great actually. Three pitch wins in a month is what dreams are made of. But I can’t bring myself to feel happy. How can I when my personal life is in shambles? Such a contrast.

I’ve been travelling constantly. Two cities a week is a hectic schedule by any standards. Yet, I find the time to be sad. It creeps on me uninvited as I’m hanging at the airport, or as an unwelcome nightmare when sleep finally claims me. It’s there at my most proud moments, a constant reminder that I can’t have it all.

I’ve watched Sheryl Sandberg’s video on coping with loss and Plan B and I think its definitely laudable how she’s tackled her grief head on. I tried copying her strategy and it did nothing for me. I just feel too calculated trying a step-by-step. Maybe it’s supposed to feel that way and that’s how you move on. But I can’t bring myself to do it.

So, I’m just letting myself be for the moment, working like a demon, while letting all the grief and loss wash over me, carry me in its wake, hit me in full force like a wave and then recede with me in its depths, until it spits me out onto a happier shore. Carpe Diem!

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21 thoughts on “Coping

  1. So sorry about your loss but it is a good thing that you are acknowledging and talking about it. Time will definitely heal you. I know isn’t a feat that can be said to be easy but facing it head on is a sure step to defeating it. You will find that spark again. #Ibelieve

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Hi Karen, sorry to hear about your loss, and your difficult grieving process. Grief is such an individual emotion, and you’ve described you’re situation admirably. And yes we do have our grief wash over us, and sometimes the waves of emotions are monstrous, I’ve not a lot of advice, just my experiences of coping. I’ve found the huge waves gradually get smaller and less frequent, and at some stage you’ll feel an acceptance of these emotions, and really that they’re not such a bad feeling after-all. I look at my moments of grief as my own personal little pockets of love that I carry in my heart, and I’ve developed a great personal feeling of honour and privilege to be affected so deeply by my loved one…..and now I smile and call them, my happy moments, and feel lucky and thankful that I was her chosen one. All the best to you Karen…. x

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I was wondering why you weren’t writing. I had missed your wonderful words. I’m so sorry you are suffering grief, and loss. I could give you advice on how I cope, but I won’t. I often can’t cope with loss and grief. I just do what you’re doing, and ride out the storm. You seem like an incredibly strong person, and you’re coping better than most people. I’m honored that during this time, you took a few minutes to read my latest post. I’m glad that for a moment, you could smile. Best wishes to you, and take care.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. “Loss is absence from the present…or, the future”

    The counselor told me “You never really get over it, it just gets more acceptable” I chose to find new people to connect to, it appeared at first I was trying to bypass the grief, but ultimately it soothed that part of me that felt alone…

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I truly can relate to how youre feeling. It’s not easy. But i’ve agreed to myself i won’t fight these feelings. Theyre meant to be there. Acknowledge them but don’t force yourself to shove it away or fall too deep into them either. Time. As clichè as we all knew it, it’s true. Let yourself more time. God will replace what we’ve lost with better ones.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Hey Karen, only just read this. Sorry. A pile of emails I have been wading through after taking a week off to rejuvenate myself!

    I am so sorry to hear you are grieving the loss of a dear friend or a loved one, someone really close to you, you deliberately do not say. Perhaps you should? Sorry, also the self help books/videos aren’t working. But throwing yourself into work. I can relate to that! Oh yes, an old old friend! Trouble is it doesn’t really help. Talking does though If you ever need to talk, can trust me enough to talk to me, you know where I am.

    Take care of yourself

    Love

    Kelvin

    Liked by 1 person

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