Asking God for a sign

 

sign-from-God

I’ve been somewhat emotionally disturbed this month. I’ve had some not so great news a month ago, and still trying to cope with the potential repercussions. Though coping gets better with each passing day, and sometimes I’m able to even laugh heartily at jokes and the general camaraderie around me, there are days when I’m suddenly all down and low, and nothing can cheer me up.

I’m trying hard to deal with my issues but I’ve been riding an emotional see-saw. Down one day. Up the next. The other day I was so depressed, that I laid down on my bed, and my thoughts kept turning to my particular situation. I wondered how I could be so happy one day, and so depressed the next.

I noted a pattern to my emotions. What I noticed was that I got more depressed when my thoughts turned to the future. And I was able to be somewhat okay, when living in the moment.

For instance, I would be having a perfectly decent lunch with my colleagues and in general I would be engrossed in the events of the day. But the moment the conversation turned to our future plans, my spirits would sink. This would then kick off a black cloud of depression and anxiety.

This would happen every other day. Eventually, I was so restless, that I went to church and in front of the Blessed Sacrament, asked God for a sign. I asked  Him to show me the way. I begged Him to give me a sign, that He was looking out for me. That He would come through for me. That I would not have to face this alone.

Even after this, I was growing more restive with each passing day. There was no visible change in circumstances and no sign either. I prayed even more fervently for a sign that things were going to turn in my favour. But nothing!!!

I grew so obsessed with this “sign” that I soon began looking for things that could possibly fit into my perception of the “elusive” sign. But I knew in my heart (as we always do) that when God gives you a sign, you can’t mistake it for anything else. Whether it’s a big gesture or a tiny indication, you know instantly.

In the meanwhile, looking for this sign had also made me feel disconnected from God. My restlessness, obsession and continued sense of hopelessness interfered in my prayer time and I found it hard to stay still in God’s presence. I also felt a little annoyed that after all the praying, He wouldn’t do something as simple as show me a sign.

The other day I was reading the Bible, when this line jumped out at me,

Mark 8:12 

“And he sighed deeply in his spirit and said, ” Why did this generation seek a sign? Truly, I say to you, no sign will be given to this generation.” 

Was God trying to tell me something?

But then I also read Isaiah 7:11

“Ask a sign for yourself from the LORD your God; make it deep as Sheol or high as heaven.”

What was He trying to tell me? Why was He giving me mixed signals?

I soon grew exhausted of the whole thing and gave up my quest to spot the sign.

A few days passed and I got into my regular groove of praying, working, reading the Bible and other pursuits. I made the attempt to do some positive things for myself like exercising, reading, writing and connecting more with family and friends. I blocked thoughts of what my future was going to look like and made an attempt to live more in the present.

It was hard in the beginning to make even these minute changes. But it grew easier with each passing day.

Today, I was in church and the service was simply lovely. The sermon was so powerful and the pews were bright were flowers. Finally towards the end, just before the last blessing, the choir played this hymn :

Thy Word (Amy Grant) 

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path.
When I feel afraid,
And think I’ve lost my way.
Still, you’re there right beside me.
Nothing will I fear
As long as you are near;
Please be near me to the end.
I will not forget
Your love for me and yet,
My heart forever is wandering.
Jesus by my guide,
And hold me to your side,
And I will love you to the end.

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path.
You’re the light unto my path.

 

 

Here was the sign that I’ve been searching for all along.

I was so unworthy, so doubting, so unbelieving. And yet He spoke directly to me today. I realised then, that He hadn’t given me just one sign. There were so many that I missed, because I was so fixated on that one large gesture that I thought would validate His presence in my life.

The very fact that I was still alive, still able to work, pray, live, be with family, breathe fresh air, and awake to a new day were signs that He had always been with me and continues to be with me. He wanted me to look to Him for guidance, but also wanted me to get out of my slumber, take action and help myself.

Should we ask for signs? I don’t know. I asked for one because I was desperate. I can’t tell anyone what they ought to do. All I can say is, signs or no signs, I know and believe that if we persevere in faith, He will guide us to everything that He wants to give us. And it will be bigger and better than what we dreamed for ourselves!!!

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16 thoughts on “Asking God for a sign

  1. Yes my dear sister-in-Christ, our plan is not His plan sometimes. I totally can relate to you. There must be a reason why we came across each other here at wordpress. Whatever you’re going through, stay strong. God is in control. Lets be patient and lean not on our own understanding because God knows what’s best for us. You will be in my prayers xxx

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you for keeping me in your prayers. I’m happy that we connected on WordPress. I continue to pray and believe. Wl remember you in my prayers as well. Thanks again for visiting and reading. Have a lovely day!

      Like

  2. We are humans always seeking our way as it will make us more comfortable but God is unmovable, unchangeable, but He moves and changes things. We just need to be “still” and know that He is God. He is the God of all Flesh and turns everything out for our Good, just a matter of time. Thanks for the share.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I am about to start studying Philosophy & Theology at Oxford in October, and in my pre-reading I’ve often struggling with apparent contradictions in the Bible. But as you outline here, I think everything tends to become much clearer when you step back and take in the bigger picture, the core messages. I think that’s when the signs and blessings become more apparent 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for dropping in and reading. Interesting that you’re studying a Philosophy & Theology course. I still sometimes struggle with contrary verses. But I learn something new everyday. Thank you again for your lovely comments.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Wonderfully put. Signs are neither clear cut or directly in front of you most times. It’s often a feeling, realization and at time more than one thing that overcomes you as though within that moment god is speaking through to you. Thats when you see the sign🙏🏻. God is always there even when you think he’s given up on you. Such a heartfelt story of yours. God bless

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m learning new things in my journey with prayer and with Him everyday. Some days I hear from Him more clearly than others. Thank you so much for stopping by and reading through. Value your comments.

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